Escargot

Leaving the house last night to go to dinner, I slipped my foot into my flip-flop and almost made escargot of this wayward snail.


Thanks to my cat-like reflexes, I felt the little lump with my heal and was able to instantly reverse the force of my entire body, do a skipty-do dance with a 180 degree spin, (let out a squeal that frightened Nuch's mother), and save the snail from Mollusk heaven and my shoe from the trash bin.

Being it was dark, I initially thought it was another frog, but in fact, the frogs seem to have left - only to be replaced by the snails. There are so many now that whenever we leave and before we come back home, Nuch has me get out and clear the driveway of our new slithering friends. As you can imagine, killing one of these innocent creatures with the tire of a 2-ton SUV has huge Karma implications.

An Apple A Day

When you're 72 years old, it takes more than apples to keep the doctor away.

Last week, Nuch and I took her parents to see Dr. Sunthorn, their family doctor. He has a clinic just down the street from their home, and although the medicines are all modern, the actual clinic looks like something you'd find in a museum of 19th century medical history. That's an exaggeration, but there is a "historic" feel to it - everything is made of wood, it has that attic smell, and it's small - like Williamsburg.

Here's Dr. Sunthorn. He's had a few apples in his day, as well, which begs the questions - sure, the doctor is taking care of us, but who's taking care of the doctor?

Waiting room.

Unwritten rule in Thailand - never see the doctor with your wife (or in this case, both daughter and wife). At best, you may be able to leave the house on your own, but you'll never eat another potato chip in your life.

This is one of Nuch's dad's drawings. Dr. Sunthorn told me that in his younger years he had taken a trip to Switzerland, and now, looking at this picture, he could envision the alps, as if he were standing on the peak of the Matterhorn.

By the way, Nuch's dad doesn't go around paying debts with his art work. This was just a gift because he knew Dr. Sunthorn had a passion for it.

Dr. Sunthorn doesn't have a computer, but he does have a wall of pocket notebooks, filled with 50 years of prescriptions, diagnoses, and bio-histories along with tabs and inserts - all held together by rubberbands. I should have taken a picture. They're mostly covered in dust and cobwebs and, once again, make the place look like a museum. Notice the 3 columns per page.

Dr. Sunthorn gave his usual advice, as Nuch and her mother listened attentively - don't eat sugar, salt, fried food, fatty food, spicy food, or anything else that may have taste. "Apples are okay, and I'll see you again in 2 weeks".

And Nuch is a flower short of a giraffe's chin.

Here's a quick video. Enjoy.

The Gift of Gab

While in the Peace Corps, I remember showing up at school, stepping into the front office, and being overwhelmed by the busy conversation of the ladies at work - way too much verbal energy so early in the day.

I didn't understand what they were saying, but the tone was always light, and anything said was usually followed with wees, woos, jings reus, or o-ohs (meaningless Thai sounds representing various degrees of surprise, shock, disbelief, etc...). I remember these sounds dominating the conversation rather than the words, turning the discussion into more of a song, backed up by a chorus of giggles.

Since then, I've always enjoyed listening to Thai women banter - perhaps it's because when they really get going, I get lost and instead of listening to people speaking Thai, their sublime chatter becomes a white noise, humming like the sound of ocean waves or a waterfall.

It's a strange fascination, but there's something soothing about it - an emotional roller coaster that doesn't involve you and will ultimately end happily, all played out like an impromptu orchestra of birds, filled with laughs, rapid dramatic pauses, sympathetic sighs, intimate revelations, and an unrelenting desire to be agreeable.

Last week, Nuch took a call from her friend Toon (short for Cartoon) while we were having brunch at the Marriott. Here's one side of the verbal symphony between two best friends.




I'm happy to say everything turned out okay.

Master Debater (and Origamist)

This week the Thai Parliament held a censure debate - where the opposition party gives a typically scathing critique of the ruling party, who then defend themselves.

During the censure, Prime Minister Samak Sundaravej, otherwise known as Mr. Rose Apple Nose, once again demonstrated his mastery of "I know you are, but what am I" diplomacy.

He also shared one of his lesser-known talents - making Origami birds.




Mr Samak, a 73-year-old former television chef known for his uncompromising manner, sat through the address contemptuously folding origami paper birds

As punishment for not paying attention in Parliament, Samak will serve 3 days detention and will not be allowed to play with the other MPs during recess.

Democracy - Thai Style

The last few days you may have seen Thailand on the Fox News or CNN ticker or perhaps in a headline on the 3rd page of the international section.

The newly elected government has been in power for only 4 months, and the people of Bangkok have already taken to the streets to protest their incompetence, corruption, and not being who they voted for.

Although they're called protesters, it's not a protest in the typical sense. It's more like a campaign rally, but after the election has finished, all the votes have been counted, and the new government has been put in place.

The irony of this particular "protest" is that it's being led by the PAD or People's Alliance for Democracy, who in the name of Democracy are demanding that the democratically elected government step-down. Too bad, it's too late for Bangkok to establish an electoral college or super delegate system to protect themselves from the uneducated masses.

To be fair, it's difficult to imagine a shadier group of politicians running the country than the group in place now, but also to be fair, they're the group that Thailand chose (by a large margin).

Here are some pictures of Bangkokians exercising their right to protest. (No, I wasn't there. These were taken from the BBC website)




From what I've heard, the police let the mob go where ever they wanted, which was a set-back to the protest organizers since 'police brutality' is a lot sexier and a much more news-worthy headline than a simple "Thais Protest Peacefully, Unobjected".






One word never used to describe Thailand's political landscape is "stable". Since 1932, Thailand has had almost 20 different constitutions and nearly as many coup d'etats. I imagine this woman has lived through most of them.


I should add that the PAD are also protesting the government's plans to change the current Thai constitution - a constitution that was re-written in 2006 by a military backed government put in place after a coup d'etats.

Democracy works in mysterious ways.

Universal Truths

Driving to work today on a dreary Thursday morning, I got stuck behind this motorcycle/ sidecar.

The guy on the left has a message for the world.




Riding a motorcycle in the rain isn't so great either.

Oh My Buddha!

One of the managers at my factory had a mild heart attack/ stroke the other day. A pretty scary ordeal, but luckily we were able to get him to the hospital quickly.

We took him to St Mary's, one of the better hospitals in Korat.



When I went to visit him the other day, I took a few pictures.

Here's the Last Supper done in carpet. The person to Jesus's right really does look like a woman.



Mary watching over everyone in front of the hospital.

At the entrance to St. Mary's is the Golden Jesus complete with incense and Buddhist flowers placed at his feet and hung upon his hand. It's interesting how religious traditions/ beliefs get mixed.

When you're sick, I guess it's best to cover all your bases.

Good News and Bad News

Bad news first - the Cubs lost to the Blue Jays 3 - 2.

Good news - my massive student loan debt has mysteriously vanished from cyberspace.

Don't wake me.

Desmoxytes Purpurosea

A resident of Thailand made an obscure list recently.


The Desmoxytes purpurosea or "Shocking Pink Millipede" was ranked 3rd on Arizona State University's annual Top 10 New Species List. Congratulations.

How it made the Top 10: Millipedes (relatives of centipedes) are highly variable in appearance and coloration, but this shocking pink millipede stands apart. The authors suggest that its gaudy coloration and habits (it sits openly on the ground and vegetation during the day) probably indicates to would-be predators that it is not edible (spiny and toxic).

Don't tell anyone from Isaan that it's not edible. I imagine it's only a matter of time before the Desmoxytes Purpurosea starts appearing on some local Menus.

Googol vs. Google

What do Googol and Google have in common? 1 followed by 100 zeros happens to be the number of man-hours of work lost by the world economy due to employees fooling around with Google and Google Earth. Actually, I read that the founders of Google intended to use the word 'Googol', but misspelled it while doing a copyright search. 'Google' was registered, and though they eventually realized their mistake, they decided to stick with it.

Work on Wednesdays is generally slow for me. New orders have already been received and production plans have already been set. As long as everything goes smoothly, I simply wait for shipments to start on Friday and Saturday. That's why most of my blogs are posted on Wednesday, and why today I had time to document my place in the world (in the physical sense) with Google Earth.

Here's Southeast Asia.

From this Google perspective, it looks like Thailand and I are in the middle of it.

Here's a closer look. It may be difficult to read, but there are two yellow markers - the northern one is Korat and the southern one is Bangkok.

55% of my life is spent in Korat, 40% in Bangkok.

The remaining 5% is spent somewhere in between - Highway 1 and Highway 2 run most of the way between Bangkok and Korat, but most of my time is spent idled on Highway 32 due to Bangkok traffic.



Here's a view of Bangkok. My office is in the center, and Nuch's house is on the western side of the Chao Phraya River. You can make out the old airport to the North and the new airport to the East. Everything in between is the definition of urban sprawl.

The distance from Nuch's house to my office is only 6 miles, but it takes me over an hour to get there during rush hour.




Here's a close-up of my office and my old apartment (a 5 minutes walk to work). I knew there was a park, but never realized there was also a golf course near my building. For that long-awaited day that I trade in my Toyota for a Bell Helicopter, there is a helipad on top of my building.




Here's Nuch's house. It's the orange roof to the bottom left of the yellow marker. On the Western and Northern sides, it's surrounded by untamed Thai jungle. Everyplace else is wall to wall concrete and absolutely teaming with people.

Heading northeast from Bangkok and away from the traffic, smog, and piles of people, here is Korat. The town center is in the middle with my home to the Southwest and my factory to the Southeast.

The town is surrounded by an ancient mote with the Ya Mo shrine on the eastern side. See my Ya Mo blog.


My factory is the longest building on the far left - about 100,000 sq ft. The other factories make athletic shirts for Nike and laminated vinyl for automotive interiors.

There are two lots across from my factory. The large, empty one is where the buses park. The smaller one just across the way and surrounded by trees is where the Repo Man hides all of his repossessed vehicles before they're auctioned - the place is always full.



Finally, my home. You can see it's just a short walk to the park, Bung Da Lua.


My place in the world may be far away, but at least I'm easy to find.

Miss Inter-Gender Thailand Universe

This past week Thailand held two beauty pageants. One for the girls and one for the boys - at least, those who used to be boys - otherwise known as 'katuay' or ladyboys.

For the girls, Miss Thailand Universe is the annual beauty pageant whose winner typically goes on to compete in the Miss Universe pageant.

For those of the 3rd sex, Miss Tiffany Universe is the annual transsexual pageant whose winner usually goes to Vegas. In case you're wondering, "Tiffany" is a reference to Thailand's most popular Ladyboy cabaret show, Tiffany's.

Unfortunately, there is no inter-gender beauty contest to decide the one, true Miss Thailand Universe - that is, until now. Since, there can be only one, I have established the Miss Inter-Gender Thailand Universe beauty contest.

I would like to begin by introducing the finalists of the first annual Miss Inter-Gender Thailand Universe contest, the winners of Thailand's two most prestigious single-gender beauty pageants.


Winner of Miss Thailand Universe 2008 - Miss Gawintra Pothijakra (Kam)

2nd from the right

and


Winner of Miss Tiffany Universe 2008 - Miss(ter) Kangsadal Wongdusadeekul (Nong)

3rd from the left

Sorry, no talent competition.

So, without further ado...

in a unanimous 1 - 0 decision....

The winner is.....

Miss Gawintra Pothijakra

Congratulations to the 1st annual Miss Inter-Gender Thailand Universe 2008... and trust me the score makes it sound a lot closer than it really was.