If You Can't Beat Them...

Like any place in the world, Thailand has its share of personalities - guys who don't really do anything, but always seem to be around, whether on TV, in magazines, at the police station, or in Parliament. One of my favorite personalities in Thailand is Chuwit Kamolvisit.

When you mention Chuwit, everyone knows who you're talking about - no need for a last name. And when people talk about him, the mere sound of his name always seems to prompt a strong reaction. Depending on your view point, that could be - anger, annoyance, inspiration, intrigue, contempt. The list goes on, but no matter what your feelings are about Chuwit, they are bound to be intense.

Introducing Chuwit, Sex Czar, criminal, crime-fighter, and candidate in this year's Bangkok Gubernational election.

If you spend any time on the Bangkok Expressways, you'll be familiar with this face.

The face of Thailand's self-proclaimed watchdog.

I am the watchdog of Thailand. When you cheat, I bark, When you steal, I bite.

(The "you" is referring to corrupt politicians that may be passing by on the freeway.)

On the hunt for corrupt politicians, policemen, unsavory characters (and votes), Chuwit's billboards line Bangkok's elevated highways with messages like:

Where ever there's a problem - that's where I'm going!!!

(binoculars in hand and on the back of a motorcycle taxi, no less - whatever happened to a Bat Mobile and utility belt?)

Catch cheaters, Expose crooks, With no fear of those with "influence"!!

(the sledge hammer is a nice touch)

No Choice, No Escape,

No Happiness, No Truth!! This is Thai Politics??!!

(Chuwit obviously feels your pain)

While sometimes frustrated, he's mostly pissed!!

and he's coming to get you (corrupt politicians)!!

People like you! With no honor, With no value, Lying to the people, Deceiving the poor, and Destroying hope for society (very weak translation)

But Chuwit has not always been a crime fighter/ politician.

I first heard his name in early 2003, when a city-block of bars, restaurants, and souvenir shops near my apartment were razed at 4 am by a team of soldiers, hired goons, and bulldozers.

The day after, this is all that remained of Sukhumvit Soi 10.

Chuwit had apparently purchased the land and wanted to get rid of the tenants - who, at the time, thought they had legitimate leases. The shocked tenants, who had just seen there livihoods crushed and wiped away, went straight to the police. It is at this point that Chuwit's story really begins.

The true owner of this plot of land and mastermind behind the razing was not known until several months later when the police traced the ownership through a series of "front" companies to Chuwit himself. Once identified, he was arrested and spent 30 days in jail. Eventually, he also paid some kind of compensation to the former tenants.

The money was not a problem for Chuwit, nor was the 30 days in jail.

What really infuriated him was the fact that Chuwit had been paying millions of dollars in bribes to police over the last 10 years and figured they could have use a little discretion when investigating felonies and handing out arrest warrants. You see, Chuwit was the kingpin of Bangkok's largest Exotic Massage Parlor Empire and regular payments to the police were a necessity to keep his operation running. Being stabbed in the back by Bangkok's finest just goes to show you can't trust anybody these days.

Chuwit would not take this disregard for honest bribery sitting down. Upon being arrested, he threatened to reveal the names of all the senior policemen who had taken bribes from him. For this, he earned a certain respect from Bangkok's masses, who are harassed daily by corrupt cops looking for a bit on the side.

Then, Chuwit disappeared for 2 days. No one is sure what exactly happened to him, but he turned up on the side of the road somewhere between Bangkok and Pattaya. He claims that the police had kidnapped and beaten him.

Since then, Chuwit has kept quiet about the long list of names. But never one to go down without a fight and inspired by the eternal saying - if you can't beat 'em, join 'em, Chuwit ran for Governor of Bangkok in 2004. He lost.

Unrelenting in his mission to bring justice to the unjust, Chuwit tried again, but this time ran for a seat in Parliament. He won. Thai politics have never been quite the same.

Here he is pulling out a samurai sword at a press conference. Somebody must have broken a promise.

Chuwit had a falling out with one of his party comrades, Banharn Silpa-archa. To show his contempt, Chuwit had lunch outside Banharn's office and chose to eat eel - an animal with a sly, sneaky reputation.

Here he is in the Parliament press room with some special leaves that have a unique texture or grip that farmers use to help them grab slimy eels. Chuwit is going to use them to catch slimy politicians. I'm guessing the lemon grass is used to hide the smell.

Well, after recent events in Thai politics, it looks like Chuwit is going to need a lot more lemon grass.

When politicians betray you, how should the people feel?

It's relentless, risky work, with no guarantee of success, reward, or even appreciation - although I do enjoy his billboards.

Alas, poor Chuwit, battle, by day, this sea of slimy serpents - by night, soak in a sea of suds and savor your sensual massage.